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discerp: (Turns out he's not gay.) (Default)
Default
Keywords:
  • Turns out he's not gay.
Comment: He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
discerp: (found out what happened to my eye.)
Keywords:
  • found out what happened to my eye.
Comment: I punched myself in the face.
discerp: (Who wants vodka and apple sauce)
Keywords:
  • Who wants vodka and apple sauce
discerp: (My potted cactus died.)
Keywords:
  • My potted cactus died.
Comment: I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
discerp: (I've lost the thrill of being a slut.)
Keywords:
  • I've lost the thrill of being a slut.
Comment: It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
discerp: (I swear you won't find cereal)
Keywords:
  • I swear you won't find cereal
Comment: in your washer machine again.
discerp: (You gotta pick a side.)
Keywords:
  • You gotta pick a side.
Comment: v
discerp: (I just had the weirdest moment.)
Keywords:
  • I just had the weirdest moment.
Comment: Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
discerp: (weekly advice from mom)
Keywords:
  • weekly advice from mom
Comment: "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
discerp: (Why the fuck is he under my phone)
Keywords:
  • Why the fuck is he under my phone
Comment: as Papi Chulo?
discerp: (I'm watching Netflix with my cats)
Keywords:
  • I'm watching Netflix with my cats
Comment: and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
discerp: (Second wind.)
Keywords:
  • Second wind.
Comment: Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
discerp: (Such a big mess)
Keywords:
  • Such a big mess
Comment: for such a small penis
discerp: (she fell through a window)
Keywords:
  • she fell through a window
Comment: trying to flash someone
discerp: (It's pretty self explanatory.)
Keywords:
  • It's pretty self explanatory.
Comment: You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone